3 Very Dangerous Cocktails to Die For

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When debating options for our Halloween-themed movie, such classics as Ghostbusters, The Shining, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, The Evil Dead, and An American Werewolf in London were thrown into the mix, along with other favorites like The Lost Boys and Shaun of the Dead.  In the end, however, we decided to pick something unconventional and quirky (because let’s face it,  we just like being different)–So I Married An Axe Murderer.

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Though not exactly a box office or critical success when it was released in 1993, this Mike Myers vehicle is littered with nuggets of comic gold that has made it a kind of cult classic, from  Stuart Mackenzie (Myers) ranting about Colonel Sanders’ “wee beady eyes” and how he “puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly,” to May Mackenzie (Brenda Fricker) planting a big wet one on her son’s best friend Tony (Anthony LaPaglia), whom she’s proclaims has become “a right sexy wee bastard.”  And let’s not forget the late great Phil Hartman’s genius deadpan turn as former Alcatraz prison guard turned park ranger/tour guide John Johnson, aka “Vicky.”

Contrary to the movie’s title, there are no bloody corpses (just a lot of butcher shop humor), though there are at least three murder victims, which we learn about from a sensational tabloid article in the Weekly World News (“it has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world”) or as May calls it “The Paper” –a lounge singer from Atlantic City, a Russian martial art expert from Miami, and a plumber from Dallas, all dispatched by the mysterious “Mrs. X.”  To start off our week-long tribute to So I Married An Axe Murderer, each of us has created a signature cocktail in honor of our respective murder victims.

For my tribute to the Russian martial art expert, I naturally chose to make a vodka-based cocktail, which I’ve dubbed The Dead White Russian.  It’s a riff on the traditional White Russian, which is basically vodka and Kahlua with cream.  For the vodka, I opted for a local artisan brand, Hangar 1, as a nod to the movie’s San Francisco setting.  In my interpretation, I used clear Creme de Cacao and Cointreau instead of the Kahlua because I wanted to keep the drink stark white in order to create a dramatic contrast to the blood red streaks of thickened raspberry puree along the sides of the martini glass and the bloody axe hanging off the rim.  The drink definitely has a ghoulish quality about it, perfect for Halloween…and bloody delicious!

 

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  • 2 oz. Vodka (Hangar 1)
  • 1 oz. Clear Creme de Cacao
  • 1/2 oz. Cointreau
  • 4 oz. Half & Half
  • 1 Tbsp. Raspberry Puree
  • 1 tsp. Seedless Raspberry Jam

*candy axe dipped in raspberry blood for garnish

Mix together the raspberry puree and jam.  Using a small pastry brush, paint bloody streaks along the sides of the martini glass.  Combine the vodka, creme de cacao, cointreau and half & half in a cocktail shaker, then shake vigorously with 3-4 ice cubes for a few seconds.  Pour the chilled drink into the prepared glass and garnish with a mini bloody candy axe.

 

The Black Widow’s Victim (Laura)

The Black Widow stalks her prey by mating with it, then slaying it.  This is the case with “the infamous Ms. X.”  I used blackberries to represent the blackness of the horrific spider which releases its venom into a pool of blood.  This mixture is then combined with Laird’s Apple Jack which represents the state of New Jersey home to Atlantic City and the Lounge Singer whose claim to fame is singing “Only You” in six different languages.  Sadly, this talent wasn’t enough to save him from his fate.  “Only you and you alone” will DIE!  Though not alone, two more husbands are killed…

 

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  • 3 Blackberries
  • 3 Basil Leaves
  • 1.5 oz Tequila
  • 1 oz Lime Juice
  • 1 tsp Agave Nectar
  • 1 oz Laird’s Applejack

Smash the the basil and blackberries in a shaker.  Add the rest of the ingredients with ice and shake.  Strain into a martini glass.  Garnish with a blackberry and basil on a toothpick.

 

Ralph’s Toilet Brush (Rina)

For me, the best part of this ridiculous movie is Charlie’s eccentric Scottish parents played remarkably by Brenda Fricker and Mike Myers. I wanted to create a cocktail that included Scotch Whiskey to pay homage to the MacKenzie Clan, and also to get a chance to drink some Scotch because it had been a LONG work week and I deserved a STRONG drank. One of my favorite Scotch cocktails is the Rob Roy, but I also needed a way to incorporate Ralph the Plumber into the mix. I know of another cocktail called The Charmer that has scotch, vermouth AND blue curacao. Blue Curacao = Liquid Drano! Brilliant! This drink goes easily down the drain, but is still dangerously strong enough to make anyone scream “Ralph” or any other name for that matter in their sleep. Enjoy!

 

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  • 1.5 oz Blended Scotch Whiskey
  • 1 oz Blue Curacao
  • 1 oz Lemon Juice or Lemon-Flavored Sparkling Soda
  • 2 dashes Sweet Vermouth
  • 1 tsp. Sugar (optional)
  • 1 Lemon Twist or Wedge, for a garnish
  • 1 Roll of Toilet Paper, as decoration to sit right next to the drink (optional)

If you are using lemon juice, first put 1 teaspoon of sugar into a shot glass. Add 2 dashes of vermouth into the glass and muddle it until the vermouth is all mixed in. Pour the scotch, blue curacao, lemon juice and sugar/vermouth mixture into a shaker, filled with ice. (You can substitute the lemon juice mixture with lemon-flavored sparkling soda. Just make sure to add the 2 dashes of vermouth to it.)

Shake and then strain the mixture into a martini glass or just simply pour into an old-fashioned glass on the rocks. Garnish with a lemon twist or, if you are clever, cut out the pulp from a lemon segment, form into a ball and needle through a toothpick so that it resembles a toilet brush. Make sure to swish the “toilet brush” along the inside of the glass for good measure!

 

Author: Puddingyrl

I'm a pastry chef (geek) whose appetite invariably exceeds the actual size of my stomach. Skinny jeans be damned! My innate curiosity usually leads to full-blown obsessions--culinary and otherwise--which is why you'll find me sticking my finger in the proverbial pudding...if not licking the whole damn bowl. Given my varied interests, I figured blogging is a good way for me to explore those ideas that are always nibbling at my brain. Along for the ride are two of my girlfriends who share some of my obsessions and have no problems diving headlong into that bowl of pudding. After all, it's more fun to share the calories!

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